He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
