That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
