guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize