Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
