Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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