There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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