Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
