just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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