dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I faked an abortion last night.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
