remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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