I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
