oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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