Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
