I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
