K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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