I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
