i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and she was petting her beer can
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she peed on how many people?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
