meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
