I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
