at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
