He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
