Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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