it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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