Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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