soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
