Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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