She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
