eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
