i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
