i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
