I think I am morally bankrupt
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
