i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
