mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
