Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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