guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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