My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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