The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
