The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
