when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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