Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize