He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
