question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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