when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
