Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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