What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
