i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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