If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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