you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
