last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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