I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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