Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
