I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Did I show you my penis last night?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
