we're blogging at a bar
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
