shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
nutella sex= disaster
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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