Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
