Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
