I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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