You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
