is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
