After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im holly from the hills drunk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
