she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
