I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
