Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
