Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
