Umm I'm too high to move.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
