They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
