Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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