Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
