i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
