During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
