I have demons in me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
