I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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