Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
