WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
