porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
