Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
