Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
